Will this always be my dream? 

I remember back when I was about 6 my teacher asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I’m pretty sure I said something along the lines of “mother” or “doctor” I can’t remember. When I hit the age of 11 my answer changed. This time it was a performer, someone onstage. Someone who sang their heart out, learnt all the lines they had to and danced till they could dance no more. When I turned 13 it changed again, a singer/songwriter and last year it was a author. But now, right this moment I would exchange anything to be cast in a west end or Broadway show. How did those feelings change you might ask? To tell you the truth I don’t know either. To be completely honest I’ve always wanted to be up on a stage giving it 110% but if that’s always possible is another question. If my life will turn that way, another question. I’m jealous of my friends who have the talent I feel like I’ll never be able to have and the opportunities they get. However my heart does a little flutter everytime something truly incredible comes my way. What I’ll be doing in 10, 20 or even 30 years time remains and still is a mystery to me. 

At the moment I’m working my butt off to write, write songs, books and of course, blog posts. You can’t achieve anything unless you put the work in. But finding time again is hard and that spark of passion I get from these things feels more like an ache. 

It’s got me thinking though. Do our end dreams change over time? Not the small ones like “it’s my dream to meet [insert name]” or “it’s my dream to travel the world” but the dreams that will make us cry after they’ve happened. The dreams that keep us passionate. The dreams that give us our personality and happiness, those dreams. Letting a dream go is like saying goodbye to a child going to university, it doesn’t feel right but it also feels more right than anything else in the world. I’d say let it go, see what happens. It might come running back 5 years later to give you a big hug, it might never be seen again, but a dream isn’t worth keeping if it’s getting to hard to look after and is giving you heart ache not heart warmth. But again don’t give yup on dreams if they are tough, what’s a dream worth having if there’s no suffering? 

Here is a list of a few of my dreams, big and small 

  • Seeing a Broadway show in NY 
  • Being cast in a professional show/musical 
  • To release an album or EP 
  • To write a book 
  • To get the highest grades I can in A levels and GCSEs 
  • To grow this blog to 500 followers 
  • To attend as many concerts and book signings as I can 

So there we go. Have you got dreams? Are they worth suffering for? Have they changed over the years? Let me know in the comments (: 

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Pressure 


I want you to think for a second, to you what makes a friendship healthy and strong? Is it love? Passion? Memories? Loyalty? Well let me ask you this. Did the phrase “being there for me” or “someone who cares” pop into your head? My guess is it probably did, or it has. Today I want to talk about the pressure of being a good friend. In some friendships it might not be there at all which, is great! But it sometimes is. Now. Hold up, I’m not going to start rambling on about some girl called Katie who feels pressured into drinking. 1, this is not a learning for life lesson and 2, I don’t mean that sort of pressure. I’m talking about the pressure to be a good friend in a time of need. I’m talking about the unknown force that is telling you you aren’t helping said person when they most need you because your head is already so full you can’t hold anymore worry. 

I’m not going to lie I’m quite a custom to a friend feeling down. We live in a time where everything is whacked out and is way more stressful/hard to deal with than we as humans are able to deal with. I can add even myself to the list of people who find it hard to cope at times, along with my name is the rest of the universe. Even the happiest person ever has felt low, it’s fine, it’s normal. But again with the time we live in we have 24/7 access to our friends lives (no I’m not talking about sitting outside their house spying on them) I’m talking about social media. Everything we post, share, like, comment on can be seen by the world so it’s even easier to see your friends troubles. You’re not able to to just go home and forget you’re surrounded with this constant buzz. It’s worse, it’s worse it really is. I hope you’re still following but when I get an anxious friend sending me a dm or see a tweet from a sad friend I know it hurts because for me I’ve got so much going on already that trying to help them and telling the, you’re there for them is a lot harder than it looks. Once you tell them or send them that message that says “I’m here for you” you’re signing an invisible contract saying you are taking on their problems for yourself or at least it feels like it. 

I find myself so stuck in the fact that I must be there for my friends that I forget to think about how I really am. Not the “oh I’ve got maths homework due tomorrow” worry but the worry and the sadness I may still carry from other things. Recently something happened that really reminded me that mentally and emotionally I am not capable to look after every single one of my friends at one single time. It also taught me that I do have people there for me as well. I will be found. I need to talk to them when need as I am not taking what I’m giving. It’s like giving the shop your money and leaving your purchases on the till. I feel like I need to remember to take my stuff with me. I hope that made SOME logical sense. 

So we need to remember to be there for our friends of course, but most importantly we need to be there for ourselves and make sure we’re okay before anyone else. The pressure of being selfless is something that shouldn’t exist, but it does and we have to fight it. Be your own friend don’t rely on friends to make you happy, only you can truly do that and it takes time. Something I’ve learned is that I can take time for myself, it’s not selfish, it’s self care, there’s a difference. 

New school year resolutions 

Hello my pals (sorry it just came out) the day I’m putting this post up is the day before I go back to school. Scary I know. I’m going to start my GCSEs and I’m actually really excited. I know I will regret saying that in just under a week but for now let me live okay? But anyways with a ‘new’ school and teachers I feel like it’s time to “change”. Yes you can change any day you want to but the first day of the school year is a good place I feel like. So today I want to share with you what I’m planning to “change” about myself to make me love myself just a little more 

Close up a little: To me and maybe the rest of the world I’m quite…. lets say……..an open person. I share (what I feeel like) a little too much online and in real life. People tend to use that against me and in my opinion it also makes me look a little attention seeking. As weird as it is it also causes me a little worry at the aspect of someone knowing a little more than i wanted them to. I’ve learnt my lesson. Don’t up to people unless you fully 100% trust them. 

Do the homework as soon as you get it: If you’ve been reading this blog for a while you might know I tend to procrastinate a lot. I mean a lot. And I also seem to get a lot of stress over homework. So to decrease that I really want to try and get homework out the way asap so then I have more time to focus on my mental health and not just lay it all down to stress. On my walk back from school there’s a library I’m thinking of going into after school to 1) relax after spending 7 hours with people (99% of whom I don’t get along with) and just having some me time 2) to get homework done from that day done. Obviously there will be certain pieces that need more than a twenty minute scribble but for the majority I’ll hopefully be able to get it done without any distractions so when I do get home I can just relax, chill and not think about school until tomorrow 

To just “shrug” people off: I’m not naming anyone but I left the last school year not in the best state. There were and still are friendships that aren’t clear as water in my opinion. When I told Emma (Yes Emma Blackery) how I felt she said I need to be stubborn with people (at least I think that’s what she said) and she’s also mentioned just shrugging people off before. Not letting mean/unpleasant things get to you. And I know I can be a b*tch at times but I really just want to try and NOT let it get to me so I can focus on those who do love me and like me for me 

To ask more questions and become interested in more things: this fits into the same category to be honest. I want to become more “complex” I want to become more interested in different things. Listen to more musicals and artists, read more books from different authors, watch more youtubers etc etc. Yes I want to practice what I’m already good at but I want to add to that list with new things. Broaden my range so I seem more “interesting” and I also get more inspiration for the books I write and songs I produce. If I’m able to do that I can hopefully become a better musician and writer. But again in class I’d like to ask more whys and how’s. I’m taking history and I’m so excited to start it as I’m a real history nerd (there’s nothing wrong with it btw) and it fascinates me endlessly and if I ask more I know more right? 

Go speak up or write down if I don’t feel great: I’d like to start a dairy again. I’ve tried to keep one this summer (yes I’ve missed like nearly a week now but shhhhhh no one will know) but I would like to try and keep one so I don’t feel like I’m going to explode 24/7! At the time of writing this I’m happy, I’m content and relaxed. It’s good but I don’t think that will last once I go back and I want to save myself this year so either speaking to a wise friend or teacher or just writing how I feel down would benefit me more than it being stuck in my head I think. 

So that’s just a few! There probably are more but these are the main ones. Do you have any new school year resolutions? Do you think you’ll keep them? And if not why? Let me know in the comments!! Ttyl x

KK 

The time I went to a Shawn Mendes concert 

Catchy title I know you should be proud. So on Thursday I went to see an idol of mine! Tbh I find the word idol a bit like I’m a stalker I promise I’m not I just look up to him (a lot). And honestly, it was one of the best days of my life. I still get emotional over it. I’m not sure if that’s normal but roll with it. 

So I went into London around midday with my family and we went to a cafe outside the station and ate a huge meal, (I really wish I’d taken photos now ugh) but I ended up having this pasta thing with garlic bread. Then around 3ish we made our way to the natural history museum where we looked at some cool rocks and stuff (and a few dead birds). And then around 5pm we made our way over the o2 areana by gondola. 

A few month ago I had found out that some of my internet friends were also attending the same concert as me. Which was really cool knowning that I could share my music taste with some friends. So I was texting them back and forth throughout the day which upped my excitement. 

Anyways we got to the areana and then had to queue up for security. Luckily me and my mum didn’t have any bags with us so we were able to skip the first queue and go straight in. We made our way to our entrance and oh gosh was it long!!! We ended up queuing to get into the areana for around an hour and a half. In all honestly I’m not complaining too much as I know why it was there and it was only trying to keep us safe but it took forever. I even saw one of my friends from school there as well which was cool!! Once we got into the areana I was able to buy some merch! I bought a Shawn Mendes top. The reason I bought the one I did was because it has the album cover on the front which reminds me that I listened to the songs on that album and loved them. It also has a guitar on the back which is obviously a musical instrument so it reminds me that music is amazing. Very expensive but amazing !!

Then we got some chips and water (by this point it was around 7:30pm) and went into the areana. The support act was James TW and I’d listened to a little bit of his stuff the day before and there were a few songs that I fell in love with (he’s a great artist you should check him out) and we got there just in time to listen to my favourite song and one I didn’t really know (sorry mate) 

Then there was a half an hour break while we waited for Shawn where I ended up texting my internet friends and having some top quality banta with. Then it was time.

The lights went down and the screams began. I was screaming shouting his name and more. Then he came on and the noise increased. He played “nothing holding me back” first which is an amazing song and the most recent one he’s released. Then he played a few more and asked if we were enjoying ourselves (which I was) and he somehow managed to play basically two albums in one concert. Which I was really happy with as I love a lot of songs from his last album. Then he played my favourite song, which I took a recording of but all you can hear is my trying to sing along whislt crying. I can promise you there was a lot of crying. And we all had our torches out and it was just incredible absolutely amazing, perfect even. Shawn also played never be alone but he said something that is always going to stick with me. “Music connects people like nothing else can and that’s why what artists do is so special” and he couldn’t be more right. Don’t get me wrong YouTube and books does that too but music, that’s special. I spent a lot of the concert screaming and singing and crying because I was so happy. It’s so amazing to live more than just exist, 

Shawn has this way of making music so personal to every person which is incredible. Even if you feel you could never connect to a song you will find a way. And I did, every song he played I did find a way. He has a beautiful voice and I feel so lucky to have been there and watch him perform live. My mum told me after the concert that he was amazing and she loved his music after taking the mick out of me all day. 

I love Shawn and his music and the friendships I’ve made because of him, I’ll always remember that concert and I wish every second I could be back living in that moment. 

Some blurry photos from the evening !!! Or from friends and his Instagram