Response to over sharing online 

This post is a response to Dodie Clarks video with Hazel Hayes about oversharing online (I’m also adding on to the points made)

I get what dodie means by saying that oversharing has its good and bads. For those unaware I have an Instagram fandom account that actually has a decent amount of followers on and I’m also following over 5 thousand people so I see a lot of what people post and from what I’ve seen a lot of the people I see aren’t always in the best of places (and neither am I at times) and sadly a lot of what I see is people sharing their emotions online. It sucks but I can also see why they do it. A lot of people don’t have a fully supporting life in the ‘real’ world and online is their chance to escape. They can say pretty much whatever they are feeling and won’t be judged for it. They can also get help from friends and others if they wish. For them it’s better than keeping it locked up. I’ve been on probably both ends of this situation. The one in need of help and the one looking and reading the post. So I know how easy it can be to pick up your phone, log onto a social media site and start ranting about how you feel at your absolute lows. 

I think the reason people do do this is to feel wanted and that they have a support system if need be. And I’ve also noticed people can be very explicit in what they are feeling. With friends a lot of the time I’ll be texting/messaging them and then I’ll check their account or story and see that they’re in a complete melt down. And it’ll go through my mind “why the hell haven’t they brought this up?” This is where I agree with what Hazel was saying by it hurts to know one of your best friends is suffering in the room next to you and they went to bed fine. It’s obviously a little different but it’s the same message. I feel like a completely failed friend when that happens and like I haven’t done enough to help them. But that can also bring you down. You feel uneasy and that there is nothing you can truly do to stop them feeling that bad. It’s sucks. But I know it helps them and if they wanted my help sure,y they would ask. 

When I’ve spoken about how I’ve felt I’ve sometimes got a few people telling me they know how I feel and that what I’m feeling is okay. It does help as bad as I am at telling them. But when it’s me. In the heat of the moment I will pick up my phone and start sharing because that’s the way I’ve learnt to cope with everything. That’s how I’ve learnt to deal with what’s going on but I also know how damaging it is to me and others around and following me. I try and see myself as a honest but positive person . So sharing about what’s going on in my head is the worst of the worst. Especially in the moment. I tend to wake up the next morning and look at the messages I’ve collected from worried or anxious people and read what I wrote and think “what the hell was I going on about”. But I’ve also realised I share way too much with friends that I shouldn’t and I’m not sharing enough with the friends who can actually do something for me. 

I think I’ve really got to stop oversharing online when I’m at my worst and see how I feel in the morning before jumping into panic mode. Things do look better after you sleep they really do. So that’s my tip for you. I’ll also link dodies video if you feel like watching it. But quick message to dodie: 

Share as much as you think is healthy but helpful. Like a salad almost with salt. Enough for flavour but not too much so it becomes disgusting. I personally am okay with what you share. I do worry about you but I’ve seen you get through a lot so I  know you’ll be able to get through it and you do have a friend group that will help you. If you want to share online then do it. It does help me and so many others and I know some people can’t look at the stuff you post but again it’s up to you. Love you (: 

So what do you think about the whole situation? Do you over share online too much? Do you see others doing it? Do you think it’s healthy? Ttyl my krazies 

Dodie and Hazels video on the issue: https://youtu.be/5flD8RcsZtY

Summer in the City 2017 

Screams, lights, hugs, tears, lines, wristbands, music, photos and more. This summer I was lucky enough to go to the biggest YouTube event in the UK called Summer in the City (also known as sitc). And it was the best weekend of my life! I was debating whether or not to make this post as it is quite personal and a lot of emotion will be brought back by writing it but I know how much I like to re read my blog posts and I know this is one I can’t wait to read. But I will say this I won’t be able to post photos on here of me meeting youtubers as I’m in them and as this is a anonymous blog that won’t be happening so you just have to trust me that I met them!! Let’s get started then!!!


Saturday: 

So on Saturday morning we got up around 7am and got ready to leave. In all honesty I didn’t eat much as I was filled with so much excitement! But with a quick car journey we jumped on the train and headed to London! It was a beautiful day and whilst in the train me and my friend Erin who I was going with listened to dear Evan Hansen (if you saw my last post you know how obsessed I am with that musical). And after getting off on the wrong side of the river we made it to the excel! 

We pretty much got our wristband for the weekend right away but ended up queuing a bit longer (about half an hour) for our wristbands for meet and greets. But pretty much as soon as we got them we were in!! We got into the main expo hall as SOON as it opened. I wish I’d taken pictures but everyone held up their wrists and there was a lot of screaming but it was incredible. When me and Erin got in we did a few laps of the place then met up with one of the many internet friends I was meeting Penny It was amazing to see her and I’m so happy I got to meet her. We caught up for a bit and then Erin and I had to run off to our first meet and greet of the day which was Dodie Clark!! 

When we got through the bag check we headed straight for dodies lane. Whilst stood in the two hour long queue waiting to meet her we meet three really lovely girls (I hope they don’t mind me mentioning their names) called Izzy, Abi and Jade. We ended up talking throughout the queue and I really hope we can meet again as they were super sweet. I went through a lot of feelings and emotions during that queue. Excitement, nerves, tears, happiness and love. But after a while it was time. 

A lot of when I met dodie was a blur as it was a long time ago but I’ll try describe it the best I can. So I walked up to her in tears and she kind of galloped towards me and gave me a huge hug. I gave her her letter and let her sign something for me and we got a lot of hugs and photos and then I told her how much I loved her and how amazing she was and that was it. I’m so happy I got to meet her. She’s a lot like she is in her videos, her voice, body and height. But she was super nice and kind and very very beautiful. I’m so lucky and happy I got to meet her. All I really remember is how I was in tears when she asked for my name and she was slightly laughing and asking if I was okay. But again it was amazing to meet her. 

Then we said goodbye to Jade, Izzy and Abi and still slightly shaking but also very happy headed over to Evans meet and greet which was underway. Because we arrived mid meet and greet (it was around half two) we weren’t waiting too long but none the less we made a friend Called Elise. She was so nice and we talked until it was our turn to meet Evan. I think looking back on it Evan was my favourite in some ways. I ran to him and gave him a hug and asked him how his day was going and gave him my letter I wrote him and then told him about my home life and how he made me feel not so alone and I broke down I won’t lie. But he said “hey hey it’s okay” and hugged me like I was his best friend and honestly it was amazing. We took a few photos together and he mentioned dear Evan Hansen but over all it was my favourite meet and greet. 

Then me, Erin and Elise met back up with Penny  and grabbed a bite to eat at costa before we had to head back over to the meet and greet area for Gary Cs meet and greet. This is where it went a little down hill though. Whilst stood in the queue waiting for Gary I dropped my phone and then the touch screen stopped working. But none the less it didn’t stop me giving him a huge hug and taking some cute photos. I also forgot to mention that we are in Gary’s new vlog which is pretty cool. It was nice chatting to Gary he was really sweet and seemed really interested in what we had to say. After that I was still shaken up about my phone and overwhelmed with nerves for the open mic so we found my friend Honor and headed back over to costa before open mic. 

On the way too open mic we saw Connie a.k.a Noodarella. I’ve been also watching Connie for around a year now so to meet her was super nice and again she’s super sweet and I look up to her a lot. We grabbed a photo and she signed my notebook and gave me a free extract from her new book. I have t read it yet but I’m sure it’s amazing!! Then open mic!!

Open mic went pretty well I didn’t mess up too much and after that we heard over to the main stage to wait for Emma’s performance. In all honesty Emma’s set came and went. It was definitely my favourite out of her and dodie though. I could jump and sing along to Emma and she had some pretty funny stories to tell as well and just such a great person so it was so nice to see her. But then Erin and I headed back on the train with her mum and spilled everything about the incredible day we had had and how excited we were for the following day. I got home and crashed as soon as I got in. I was exhausted from all the queuing and screaming but was happy. 


Sunday: 

So on Sunday it was my mums turn to take us. We jumped in the car around 8am on the way to London. I managed to write more on Emma’s letter and read her extracts I had been given the day prior. I honestly can’t wait for her book as it looks and is very amazing and funny. I was super excited although tired for the day ahead. Once we were at the excel we left my mum and headed in to get our meet a greet wristbands. As we got there super early we didn’t have to queue for them and pretty much got in straight away. We started walking down to costa after that so we could finish letters and grab a drink because we were so early to the event. But below and behold my small northern internet friend Alex comes running up to me. I’ve been friends with said person and her best friend Lara for a year now and oh wow was it amazing to see them. They were as small as predicted but so sweet. I gave them there letters and then for the second time we headed in to the event! We spent the first 15 minutes walking around together us three (Me, Lara and Alex) as Erin went off to give someone something for a friend. Then Lara and Alex ran off to the toilet and we met up with my friend Amber (she also have a blog that I’ll link below) because we wanted to do sincerely me from dear Evan Hansen at the open mic. We met up, signed up, and practiced. But then again we had to say goodbye and me and Erin had to queue up for Luke cutforths meet up. 

Once again when we got in we queued up. This time we didn’t end up making any friends in the queue. My friend finished her letter for Luke and we both listened to Dear Evan Hansen. But we did see my friends Kelli and Hannah in the queue and even though it was brief we did say hi and exchange letters. We spent about an hour and a half In Luke’s queue and then I got to meet him! 

Luke’s hugs are one of the best things on this planet BY FAR! Ran up to him (again) in tears and he basically picked me up. He is really strong and sorry Luke ahah. Once we hugged I gave him his letter (which he started reading out loud bare in mind and my handwriting is terrible so yeah that was embarrassing) but he read it and then hugged me again due to the contents of the letter. I rambled a bit about how much he made me smile and laugh and asked him to sign my book and we took some very sweet and cute photos and selfies (I actually love them that much that I have one of them on my lockscreen and all profile photos (pretty much) after Luke me and Erin found Amber and we headed over to costa. 

We had a really nice chat and found Erin’s internet friend  and headed over to the women who write panel in the main stage. We caught the end of it but sadly I had to head off again for Emma Blackerys meet and greet. It took a lot longer that expected to get through but none the less I got through and once in the queue listened to Dear Evan Hansen ahah no surprise. Along with meeting Evan Emma was one of my favourites. In the line I realised how much she had actually helped me and showed me so yeah tears happened. When I got to Emma I was a mess and when I ran and gave her a hug I can remember her saying “I love it when people run and then hug” I feel like maybe flattened her but I was still in shock. I gave her her letter and then explained myself and why I loved her and she said that I just needed to be stubborn with people and gave me a huge hug. She signed my notebook and we got a lot of photos and then I said about writing my own stuff because of her and she said “keep writing” and I will Emma I will. But again she was super nice and kind and I really want to meet her again. 

Still shaking I went off to find the others and I was very lucky I found them when I did as when I walked over to them they were stood with Hedy, Dodies sister having a conversation. I love Hedy and her art so much she’s so kind and just like any other person. We actually had a really cool conversation with her which was really nice and took a few photos and headed off in our little group. We went over to Dodies merch line hoping to meet her but whilst in that line I caught my eye on a Lucy moon. I love Lucy so much as she’s so honest and pure and also loves history. So as you do I ran over to her, got her to sign my notebook and got a photo with her. But after that we all headed off to the open mic as Josh (dodies manger) was showing something for dodies new EP “You” (the day I’m writing this it actually has come out and it’s amazing go listen to it). But when we got there we weren’t able to perform as Josh took up our slot. BUT we were able to meet him and I got a really snazzy photo with him and he signed my book aha. 

After that we headed over to the main stage to try and get a good spot for Dodies set  and the sitc awards which were coming later in the evening. 

When we got there we got there just in time for the summer in the City awards which were funny, cute, emotional and amazing. I think my favourite part of that was Emma. This is why I feel so lucky to have met her in all honesty. She won best song of the year award and she had no idea so came on crying her eyes out which is the cutest thing ever as she so bloody deserves the award she got by far! I’m so happy she won. 

Whilst there though we listened to a Q&A that Ricky Dillon and TheGabbieShow did. It was actually pretty funny and cool. We also heard this musician called Thalia Mar perform (?) I actually really liked her so when I’m able to I’m going to look her up. Then I was able to meet up with the last internet friend Kristyn! Kristyn was one of my first internet friends so it was so amazing to meet her and she’s so beautiful!!! But then I t was time for Dodie!!!!

It was incredibly loud with screams and music. But amazing. Dodie played some of her most amazing songs including the ones on her new EP. The only down side is it wasn’t very jump around sort of music. But it was fab!!! And if you ever get to see Dodie live go!!!! At the end of “would you be so kind” her final song everyone from sitc came on and omg it was freaking amazing. Words can’t describe how surreal it was. It felt so validating in my opinion. 

And that was pretty much it. 

I’m so lucky to have been able to go and I really want to go again. Maybe next year or the year after but it is definitely something I won’t forget in a hurry. Thank you to all the people that I got to meet or meet up with. Thank you to the organisers and Tom Burns once again you’ve done a fab job and I’m so proud. See ya again soon sitc!!!

My question for you today is; do you want to go to summer in the City? If you have who did you see and did you enjoy it? Are you planning to go next year? Well ttyl my krazies!! 

KK x 

Ambers Blog: http://www.whateveritsamberblog.wordpress.com/

Thank you to all my friends as well: Amber, Honor, Erin, Alex, Lara, Penny, Jade, Elise, Izzy, Abi, Kelli, Hannah, Kristyn love you all loads! 

Why I’m changing and I’m happy about that 

Yeah bulky title I am aware…… 

So today me KK comes at you with a more personal post. And no surprise I am changing, we all do but sometimes we’re happy about that and sometimes no. Well this is a happy change. I’m not sure if it’s because of the music I’m listening to is changing or from personal experiences. But either way I am. Let me explain!! 

For one I’m trusting less people but trusting those I know I can more. You’d be surprised about how much people lie or keep things from you to make their world a little lighter. If people lie it’s fine. As long as your only motive isn’t in your favour. I am still uncertain about how I feel about certain people but I’m happy that I can finally realise that you don’t spill everything to one person and expect them to keep that. But I’m also telling those I love and know I can trust about how I feel and it’s helping. 

Secondly I’m writing more and trying to actually write things down instead of keeping them in my head. I’m putting them into my writing or into a song or diary. I’m thankful I’ve been given this creative spark that seems to light in the most weirdest of ways. I love getting an idea in the middle of the street or while eating lunch. If you have creativity as a gift use it because people love that in a person. 

I’m also starting to realise that I don’t need to be in love to be happy. I don’t like anyone st this moment in time and I’m happy about that because it means I can focus on friends and myself. Yes I’d like to have someone I genuinely feel in love with but I know it’s not everything. I’ve got a very important part of my life ahead of me and I know and realise that I don’t need to be sorting out relationship issues while trying to work out who invented the microwave. Not being in love with someone doesn’t make you any different from someone who is. It normally means that you are strong, brave, independent and not settling for what you can find. You are pretty and worthy. I’d much rather work on my grades now and love later when I’m in a good job with good pay. I feel that when people realise this they realise a bit more of themself. 

Have you noticed that you’vechanged? Is it a good change to bad one? Let me know in the comments 

There are a few more smaller things that I’ve realised about myself but these are the main ones. I hope you’re all having a great summer x 

catch y’all later 

KK x 

Germany and DEH 🇩🇪🎶

So in the past two weeks I’ve gone to Germany! I went on a German exchange. So I stayed with a family and went around Germany which was great! I’m going to explain each day and put some photos with it! 

Monday: 

So Monday we left for the airport. It went pretty well. I went to my first two classes and then we jumped on the coach. It was pretty good until my friend forgot what a passport looked like. But Monday was more traveling and sleeping than excitement but me and my friend took some photos on the plane so here you go 

Tuesday: 

So on Tuesday we went into Bonn and did some shopping. It was more a day of getting used to being in a German family life but me and my friends had a great time with a German waiter and we also got to see the mayor of Bonn which was cool even if he did speak in just German 

Wednesday: 

So not much happened on Wednesday 4 of us went into an English class but they weren’t doing much so we sat at the computers and watched YouTube for 2 hours . And then we did this team building race but it was raining so wasn’t that fun. And then a group of us went bowling (I won the first game oi oi ) 

Thursday: 

On Thursday we went into Köln and into a sports museum which was pretty cool to be honest. But then I came home and slept I was really tired to be honest 

Friday: 

On Friday we went back into köln and went to this not very interesting tour of köln. We also got a bit of shopping time so me and my friends had a bite to eat then did a bit of shopping for friends. I had a great laugh . 

Saturday: 

On Saturday we went to a museum and to Beatovens house which was really interesting. But I was really tired from trying to speak and learn German. 

Sunday: 

We went to this roman thing as köln was ruled by the romans at one point. It was cloudy for most of the day though 


Monday : 

We again went into köln. And did a bit more shopping and site seeing. But it was a really nice day. We also went to a German TV studios 

Tuesday : 

On Tuesday we went to a museum in Bonn and did a few lessons in school which was pretty cool.


Wednesday: 

On Wednesday we went into this village and did some shopping and went on a cable car which was pretty cool and fun . The view was amazing and it was really hot as well 

Thursday : 

So we came home on Thursday which was sad but also nice to get home . I had a great flight listening to music and talking to friends. I really enjoyed Germany it gave me a great chance to talk in a different language and to see a country I’d never been to before. I felt so lucky and honoured to get a chance to do something like that. I would highly recommend going on a foreign exchange if you ever get the chance to. 


Dear Evan Hansen: 

So recently I’ve discovered the musical Dear Evan Hansen. I honestly wish I’d heard of it sooner. For the unaware Dear Evan Hansen is about a boy called Evan who’s trying to deal with social anxiety and the death of his classmate Connor Murphy. That’s what it’s about (in short) sadly as I don’t live in NY I haven’t had the opportunity to see it on boardway. But the soundtrack is what has made it so special to me. Ben Platt plays Evan SO well and his voice is incredible (they all are) and I feel like everyone will relate to that musical in one way or another. The songs have so much meaning and the emotion is indescribable. I’ll link Evan Edingers video he recently made on the musical, then you can make up your mind if it sounds like something you’d want to listen to. If you have please give me your opinions on it. What did you think of it and what’s your favourite song? Mine is maybe “you will be found” but they’re all incredible. 
Anyways! Sorry an update has been long awaited I’ve had a lot of exams but now I’m off for summer there should be more posts! (One a week a maybe but don’t hold me to that) catch y’all later x KK 


Evan Edingers video about DEH: 

https://youtu.be/BJHjRuHsKk8

The time I went to a Shawn Mendes concert 

Catchy title I know you should be proud. So on Thursday I went to see an idol of mine! Tbh I find the word idol a bit like I’m a stalker I promise I’m not I just look up to him (a lot). And honestly, it was one of the best days of my life. I still get emotional over it. I’m not sure if that’s normal but roll with it. 

So I went into London around midday with my family and we went to a cafe outside the station and ate a huge meal, (I really wish I’d taken photos now ugh) but I ended up having this pasta thing with garlic bread. Then around 3ish we made our way to the natural history museum where we looked at some cool rocks and stuff (and a few dead birds). And then around 5pm we made our way over the o2 areana by gondola. 

A few month ago I had found out that some of my internet friends were also attending the same concert as me. Which was really cool knowning that I could share my music taste with some friends. So I was texting them back and forth throughout the day which upped my excitement. 

Anyways we got to the areana and then had to queue up for security. Luckily me and my mum didn’t have any bags with us so we were able to skip the first queue and go straight in. We made our way to our entrance and oh gosh was it long!!! We ended up queuing to get into the areana for around an hour and a half. In all honestly I’m not complaining too much as I know why it was there and it was only trying to keep us safe but it took forever. I even saw one of my friends from school there as well which was cool!! Once we got into the areana I was able to buy some merch! I bought a Shawn Mendes top. The reason I bought the one I did was because it has the album cover on the front which reminds me that I listened to the songs on that album and loved them. It also has a guitar on the back which is obviously a musical instrument so it reminds me that music is amazing. Very expensive but amazing !!

Then we got some chips and water (by this point it was around 7:30pm) and went into the areana. The support act was James TW and I’d listened to a little bit of his stuff the day before and there were a few songs that I fell in love with (he’s a great artist you should check him out) and we got there just in time to listen to my favourite song and one I didn’t really know (sorry mate) 

Then there was a half an hour break while we waited for Shawn where I ended up texting my internet friends and having some top quality banta with. Then it was time.

The lights went down and the screams began. I was screaming shouting his name and more. Then he came on and the noise increased. He played “nothing holding me back” first which is an amazing song and the most recent one he’s released. Then he played a few more and asked if we were enjoying ourselves (which I was) and he somehow managed to play basically two albums in one concert. Which I was really happy with as I love a lot of songs from his last album. Then he played my favourite song, which I took a recording of but all you can hear is my trying to sing along whislt crying. I can promise you there was a lot of crying. And we all had our torches out and it was just incredible absolutely amazing, perfect even. Shawn also played never be alone but he said something that is always going to stick with me. “Music connects people like nothing else can and that’s why what artists do is so special” and he couldn’t be more right. Don’t get me wrong YouTube and books does that too but music, that’s special. I spent a lot of the concert screaming and singing and crying because I was so happy. It’s so amazing to live more than just exist, 

Shawn has this way of making music so personal to every person which is incredible. Even if you feel you could never connect to a song you will find a way. And I did, every song he played I did find a way. He has a beautiful voice and I feel so lucky to have been there and watch him perform live. My mum told me after the concert that he was amazing and she loved his music after taking the mick out of me all day. 

I love Shawn and his music and the friendships I’ve made because of him, I’ll always remember that concert and I wish every second I could be back living in that moment. 

Some blurry photos from the evening !!! Or from friends and his Instagram 

Thoughts 

This piece of writing is based of how I feel that the voices in my head are slowly driving me towards insanity. 
Thoughts, they can be as small as a whisper or as loud as I siren either way they influence the choices that we make and the way we live our lives. They can save us, or they can kill us. They possess us in a way spirits, voices, hearts and even souls can’t figure out. Millions apon billions of whispers fill the minds of teens on the surface of darkness.

They scream and terrify those victims of the loneliness and brighten and accentuate the free and wild ones. 

Thoughts. They penetrate the mind into thinking alls okay, or they can earn sighs and outbursts of pain just from a single voice. 

Telling us what’s right and wrong, telling us to work harder even if we’re working at our hardest. They can pull us back down even if we’re flying higher than ever. Or they can brighten us, even if we’re absorbing light. 

Thoughts, they can brighten us or darken us, either way they will kill us in the end 

What is a real friend? 

Happy new year!!! I hope you all had a fab new year and Krazykoala is back! But with a bit more enthusiasm than a few explanation marks….I promise!! 

I really want to change how this blog looks and I 100% want to get more people reading this horrible mess I have provided on the Internet. So expect a few changes. 

Today I want to talk about what a real/true friend is. We all have expectations for our friends but they’re all a little different but here’s what I look for or see in my most reliable friends. 

Number 1. Kindness

I’m not sure how much is to much kindness with friends but some of my most kindest friends leave me little messages to wake up to when they know I’ve felt especially crap. Which honestly, even if I don’t show it, it means a lot. And just general understanding I think is quite key. A good friend wouldn’t abandon you without a legitimate excuse. 

 Number 2. Honesty

I don’t mean the honesty that comes with “does this dress look okay” I mean the honesty given to you when you most need it. Fallen out with your parents, ask an honest friend what they think is best. Done something you think might upset someone, ask that friend. They’re kind of like your sane when you’ve gone a little insane. 

Number 3. Maturity

I think this is probably the most important. I can’t stand people who put “I hate you” on their snap chat stories or make any argument they have with their friend public. That’s bitching!!! If you’re my friend you don’t bitch unnecessarily. I have some incredibly mature friends and they’re the ones *touches wood* I’ve never argued with. They’re the ones I’m constantly at peace with and oh my god let me tell you how amazing that feels to never have agreed with someone. 

Number 4. Similar sense of humour 

I get on with a lot of people because we’re very similar in the things we laugh at. This one is also quite important. You could be kind, mature and honest but if we don’t have one or two things in common then that is when it turns into a awkward friendship. I’ve spent hours on Skype and FaceTime with some of my closest friends because we can’t stop laughing or talking. I mean hours! It’s quite uncommon that I would spend less than 30 minutes talking to them. So shoutout to Erin for that and (because she asked) Lara and Alex who I shall be meeting this August and Lucy who’s my Scottish pal. They’re just some of the people I can and will spend hours talking to. 

Number 5. Able to have a laugh

Banta (messing around with your friends) if you can’t take a joke then we’re going to have a hard time. With the people I get on with the most there is always some sort of joke. I think it’s just part of my personality but it’s defiantly a must have. It might seem weird but I feel it brings you closer as people by laughing. Don’t take yourself to seriously and we can be friends. 

So there are my top 5 things I look for in a friend. What do you look for in a friend? Laughter, personality trates? Let me know in the comments and I shall see you next week my Krazies! 

This post is dedicated to Erin, Izzie, Rachel, Lucy, Alex, Ceceilia and Lara who have stood by me since the day we met and are the best people to ever exist on this earth. 

Love is the most deadly weapon of all 

Hey my friends! So I’ve taken time out of my Christmas to write this. And you may be wondering why. I’m not exactly sure how to word anything that’s about to appear on your page so I apologise in advance. 

You know when you’re in love with someone, and you can look at others and think they’re “hot” or have a great personality that you fall for instantly, but that one person always comes back into your mind as the person that truly makes you happy? What happens when that person is the only person that makes you smile in the dark, can’t be yours? What happens when you know that person will never be yours because the circumstances the world has put you both in? What happens when, love is the only thing killing and inspiring you? What then? 

I’m not sure what happens when all these questions come up in my mind. What I really want to know is it worth it? Is it worth keeping this relationship or should I let it fade away and try and move on? 

This is a hard thing for me to put into words but what am I meant to do when someone I can have comes into my life and gives me a similar vibe? Do I hang onto the love and relationship I have with this person and turn anyone else away that may give me a similar vibe because I’m hoping and willing for this person I am so ever in love with might become a reality? Or do I stop thinking and move on, try moving on from a love that I know will never be (at least until I’m 18) what if they meet someone else and I cry every night wishing it was me? 

So many questions I want awnsered but no one will ever understand as much as I will. This is where I’m struggling, I don’t know what I want to do or what is right. So have you experienced anything similar? Are you any good at relationships? 

2016 where you at? (Blogmas day 5) 

This year, wow, I really don’t know how to explain a whole 12 months in a few paragraphs so I’ll just give you a run down of my whole year and tell you what I would have changed. 

January

This was a long time ago but it was honestly one of the most difficult months for me. I got into a lot of fights and a lot of personal stuff happened, it’s definitely one of the months I regret the most. But when I mean regret I mean it’s the month I’ve learnt the most from. I learnt a lot about how to deal with life and my ways of dealing with situations. 

February 

This was definitely a month. I won’t forget in a hurry. This was the month I stumbled along Dan and Phils channel and it changed my life completely. I’ve made friends IRL and online because of these two and I’ve also become a lot more happy because of it. And just to add onto that I’ve also discovered a lot more YouTubers and artists (musical). And because of all that I’ve shaped into the person I am today. So February is a month that was pretty darn cool. 

March

March, the biggest thing that happened (that I can remember) is perfoming in hairspray. That for me was something I’ve always wanted to do and to finally do it was something completely amazing. Even if I don’t get to be in a professional performance of it at least I’ve been in one. It was incredible to do something like that. I’ll stop rambling because I know I’ve made a whole blog post on it but, yeah definitely something. 

April

April was quite a big month. It was the month that I met my very ever first Internet friend Ceceilia (that I still speak to this very day) and I also started this blog. They are two things that I’ll never forget at all. I’m so happy I started a blog because I can finally express things I want to and not be judged for it. And meeting someone who has changed my world is amazing. Because of Ceceilia I’ve gone on to meet my crush, my closest Internet friends and many more. So thank you Ceceilia you’re much appreciated. 

May

Honestly may is the month I literally can’t remember anything about. I think I just swam through that month doing what ever I could. So not much happening 

June 

Once again this is a tricky month. It was a lot of preparing for Sumer and the yesr camp. But I think (if I remember) this month was the month I finally started relaxing and spending every moment I had left with the people there. This is the month I think the very start of who I am today begun to shine through. Just spending as much time as I could with the people I loved. 

July 

July, July oh July. This is a very tricky month because some of it was great (the memories with friends, the trips and sun) but some of it wasn’t that great… (The camping, friendship and internet issues) but I also read a lot of ever so amazing books and I’m very happy I did read those books because they’ve taught me a lot. 

August 

This was an amazing month. I went away and I met note incredible people and experienced a lot more. I met my crush and close friend Morgan this month. So it taught me a loud about experience and time. I also wrote a lot that month. 

September 

This was and still when I look back on it a hard month. I was terrified of going back to school and I became very insecure about myself (which looking back on it now I’m annoyed at myself for) this is the month that probably taught me the most about friends and relationships with people. If I could go back and relive that month I probably would. 

October 

Once again (like with May) I can’t remember that much except it was the month of dark for me. It was the month I went into a depressing teen that had no clue how much longer they could hold up. So I mainly relied on YouTube and music to get me through that time, and it did. 

November 

This is the month everything started to piece together. I finally began to realise who I was, what I wanted and why I wanted what I did. I started talking to friends I had in that year group, I started making the most of the life I have. So I’m really greatful for this month 

December 

The month we are currently in. This has probably been the best month so far. I’ve finally got hold of this being nice thing. To myself and to others. I really hope wgat I’ve realised this month how I see 2017

So there you go. I hope that you all had a great year and an even better one to come. I hope you’re all having a great Christmas and have an amazing new year! See you next year my Krazies with a bit moe frequent posts (: 

New Years resolutions (Blogmas day 3)

We make these every year but do we stick to them? Nope! I’ve never really kept to mine and this year I really really REALLY want to try and make it the year of me. 

I watched Emma Blackerys video on the year of “you” and I really think it’s a great idea. 365 days of pure self love. So I’m going to give it a go and see where it goes. 

I’ve really put a lot of thought into these because I really want to try and make 2017 as good as it can be. I will learn, I will hurt and I will cry but I want to make that into something positive. But I’ve also thought about it in a sense that they need to be reasonable. I want to get fit but that’s not going to happen in the space of 10 weeks. So little yet challenging goals, 

Learn from every situation! 

There are many times where I’ve come out of a situation feeling incredibly low and lost in self esteem. But then a few weeks later I will look back on that situation and realise how wrong I was and what I’ve learnt. But i want to get better at that and realise quicker when I still have time to change the bad. 

To find the right people. 

I’m constantly giving my heart into a friendship or relationship that after a while I realise wasn’t worth it. This year I was changing myself to fit around others needs and that ain’t good. Finding the right people and giving them everything and not giving a damn about the people who don’t matter. 

Writing a memory a day. 

I’ve wanted to do this for a while but for each day I want down either something I’ve learnt or experienced. So I can look back and see how I’ve changed. It could also start to get me into a routine. 

TO NOT GET INVOLVED IN DRAMA AND STUFF THAT ISNT WORTH IT. 

I did this so much last year. I’m a very nosey person and when it also involved me I was all over it. But it doesn’t matter and it’s something I really hope I can get better at. Just leave it! It’s there problem not yours. 

And finally….

To work my butt of at everything I do inside and outside school. 

There’s no way I’m going to get better at anything if I don’t put my all into it and get into a routine. So that’s definitely something I want to work on. 
Kinda short post but I just wanted to share some of the reasonable expectations I want to give myself to make myself a better person. Maybe you even took something away from this. If so let me know (: