Something happened this weekend that in all honesty, I don’t feel like repeating. I’ve hurt so many people I literally feel like the teenage Satan. It tires me out how frustrated I can get so quickly. I react way to fast and get all worked up only later to realise there was no point. And that makes me feel like a right old bitch.
Friends argue, it’s natural and in the whole scheme of things is going to happen one way or another. Sometimes both sides are right and it’s just a conflict of opinions. But sometimes, like today, you burst out being all defensive and “I’m the man” and 10 minutes later realise how dumb you have been. Tonight as I said, was one of those nights.
I’m not going to go into what it was about because that just makes this whole thing stupid but what I will say is I will have sent this blog post to all the people I feel I have hurt today. In all honesty I didn’t mean any of the stuff i said but I do get worked up incredibly easily. I take things wrong and i try and make everything right and how I want it in my head. But as we all know, that’s not exactly how life works is it…..I think the only defense I can give is that I was standing up for something I love but you know. I can be a bit of a bitch and do speak before I think.
With all the stress of exams and friendships and relationships and trying to keep up on top of not just homework but a social life and because it’s so close to Christmas ngl I feel like a walking mess right now. I’m trying to sort everything out but when I sort one thing out another appears. I’m really hoping in the new year I can actually get my shit together and I’m not a constant trash can.
Do I feel bad for what happened? Yeah of course. I feel like the worst person to actually exist knowing that I’ve basically crushed two peoples hsppeniess and several others feelings so yeah I feel pretty bad and as I said to my friend Alex “I’m not just the Angel you see online I am also a bitch” which is true. For those of you hoe don’t know I am kinda popular on a certain website and the effort I go to to making it the best it can be is pretty darn hard. Not to mention the 100000000 friendships I have to keep going simply through a messaging software. I worry to much over the things I love and I abandon the thongs I know are right. Maybe that’s just my personality or something else.
No ones perfect, no ones got everything straight in their head and no ones always right. I hope you see this as a small apology to the people I’ve upset. I’m so sorry
Think, before you speak, before you act. My primary school headteacher used to always say that and I didn’t know why and I hated it but I now know why I should have listened.
I feel like it was stupid to argue over a thing so small. In 5 years it won’t even matter. I should be worrying about the exam I have tomorrow not that I’ve hurt someone purely because I reacted wrong. So please, just use this as proof that shouting the first hurtful thing you can think of is probably the worst way to go around this.
Ttyl my Krazies xx